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At a certain point, though, I started to react differently when for example I saw a topless woman on television. In the past I would have thought that was dirty, probably because of my Catholic upbringing. Now, on the other hand, I began to find such a sight very interesting. Also, I noticed that when I looked at a naked woman, my penis started to grow.Obviously, it didn’t take me long to discover masturbation and that immediately became my favourite hobby. Late at night, when my parents thought I was fast asleep, I watched erotic shows on small black-and-white television set and jacked off like a maniac. It didn’t take long before the soft sex shows on television weren’t exciting enough for my anymore. I couldn’t buy real porn, though, because I was too young for that. As time passed, I started to get rather frustrated.One time, during the summer holiday, my parents left for the weekend to visit an aunt and uncle who lived on the other side of the country. Until then I usually had to. Christ! So many stories, I must start with the fact that I feel a fake starting with "So here I am, again".But it's true and I will explain why given the chance.So I'm here, typing. God, I'm actually typing my thoughts and I have a "so called" happy marriage with four c***dren. Why am I so sad, why to do such a thing?There must be something wrong with me surely?I am a reasonable husband and a reasonable father. I am, in fact, a respected person within my local community. So why am I doing this? Sharing my soul with strangers?Do I really think that strangers could help my current lockdown shit?I don't know, all I know is that the words are flowing.I'm generally sad and aware that my wife is no longer interested in having any form of sex, which has lead me to the internet for stimulus. Porn was ok for a while but doesn't "float my boat" I'm looking for interaction but, and it's (pardon the phrase) a big but - I do not want to be unfaithful or cheat on my wife.So, I thought I'd share.
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